Intention

The moon was quite full and enticing this time around. 

I felt it pulling me closer to it's brilliance. The light shining in the darkness and allowing me to see things so clearly. Literally and figuratively.

Clarity is such an amazing thing and the process that happens in that awareness of clarity is something that leaves me in constant awe. I think that I am coming to a place of knowing and when I must learn more, life teaches me more.

I accept this. Embrace it even. Hard as it is and as cracked open as I feel, I embrace it still.

I wanted to set an intention for this cycle of the moon. I felt particularly drawn to this and knew that it was important.  Now that I have really focused my attention on what I would like to intend, I understand why. I understand the value of this pondering.

My attention has brought me to this realization. I want to dig deep and rediscover my courage.

Courage to say no to people whose intentions are not good for me. Courage to say yes to those that embrace me for who I am and still want more. Courage to allow myself to experience life and the things and people that bring me joy. Courage to embrace others without barriers. Courage to embrace myself just as I am. 

Courage to see and to be seen.

Courage.

How many times have I rejected this experience of courage? How many times have I thought that I was being courageous, when really I was just doing the things that have been expected of me?

I will say that the past nine months have driven me to seek something within myself that would bring forth the joy, the love and the openness in my heart and mind that was there, just beneath the surface. This is all good. But there is more to uncover. More to me than I have ever shown.

I am scared to show myself. I will admit this. Showing myself is being vulnerable to rejection. Will I see things that even shock ME? Maybe. But I have this feeling that there is something there, something good, something worth seeing.

I am worth seeing.

Broken Open

Pure Love, Csaba Markus

How does it feel to be completely broken open? Everything exposed and vulnerable?
Do those open wounds hurt? Are they ever going to heal?

One day I am thinking that I am living in my nice secure life and then it all changes in a moment, with a question. There is no turning back now. There is no going back to what once was a reality for me. It was not reality though...it was a dream. A dream that I played a part in, but so did everyone else. Everyone played a part of supporting that dream, allowing it to continue.
How could I be so wrong?

I can't go back. No.

So, the questions remain...how will I live in my truth? How will I move forward? What is my truth? Where do I start and how do I get there? I want to walk this journey so badly I can taste it, smell it and feel it so intensely.

What does it mean to be me? I am love and sensuality and I crave pure raw honesty. Anything less seems to fall short and leaves me lacking joy. I want to experience life, to be thrown into it with the most intense of forces imaginable.

I am visualizing myself surrounded by love, by sensuality and by pure raw honesty. This is me broken open. Completely vulnerable and completely open to the amount of love that will flow.
There may be pain, but this time, no dream. This time I am the most real I can possibly be.

And it really doesn't matter if those around me are loving and sensual and pure, raw, honest. That is MY choice. My choice is so clear to me. So clear.

Broken open. Real. Raw. The healing comes when acceptance flows from me and to me. I am there.